a sad but true story: i've apparently had a faulty harddrive all this time and didn't know.. until a couple weeks ago when my harddrive failed. here's the sad part; i lost everything and had to pay $300 to get a new hd when all i wanted was to keep my old one. i've been rebuilding my computer from the ground up the past couple weeks with all the ol' apps and such. thank god so much info is saved online now.. all i really lost that is irreplaceable was tax info and credit report pdfs, that and my work resume which had names dates that i can now only guess at. is this a pity party? no. well, not unless you are rich and want to give me money. that'll help. lots.
ps, i'm still on the job search. i have an interview, and some prospects, but nothing yet set in stone.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Workshops last week at Ripley-Grier were pretty sweet, and I for one had no idea that studio was plopped there on eight like that. I apparently have a lot to learn about NY city. Granted, I don't live there, but a couple more years.. The OCU alums are amazing, and I can't wait to be one. Our network is pretty unbeatable and I'm proud to tell the world where I got my education [well, my BM that is.. we don't talk about the AA from, well, that other school.) Lies, I kid. Dean was a part of my education as well, I will not neglect the little underdog school. Besides, they're long over due for some noteable alums.. I think my graduating class is going to have to work on that.
The moral I learned from last week though, was that a. I've improved imensely over the past year, b. I've been told I have what it takes to be a working actor, and c. NY is a crazy place to live in and I'm even more anxious to get started. These are all good things. Of course I had my share of painful critiques, but such is required for growth. Really, this is a checkpoint which I can look back on in a couple years to see how much I grew. I wasn't hell-bent on being on Broadway, but now that I know about myself and New York, I'm pretty sure I now am. Bring it.
The moral I learned from last week though, was that a. I've improved imensely over the past year, b. I've been told I have what it takes to be a working actor, and c. NY is a crazy place to live in and I'm even more anxious to get started. These are all good things. Of course I had my share of painful critiques, but such is required for growth. Really, this is a checkpoint which I can look back on in a couple years to see how much I grew. I wasn't hell-bent on being on Broadway, but now that I know about myself and New York, I'm pretty sure I now am. Bring it.
Thursday, March 8, 2007
I feel like the ball is starting to roll here, and that's a very exciting prospect.
Speaking of vague statements.. I'm brought back to the days in middle school when we'd put cryptic away messages up on instant messenger, in hopes that someone specific would understand the secret coded message, and all would end happily ever after with marraige and a picket fence. You know what I'm talking about.. such as secret confessions of your love with lyrics to the latest big love ballad hit. What's more, is that you would type it with the most creative font and style you could. "oNcE i WaS aFrAiD i WaS pEtRiFiEd..." or you would be oh so romantic and give them a virtual rose "to the absolute love of my life: @>~~~" I mean, wow, can it get any better than that? What an ideal gift, so creative too. Personally, I'd prefer a real rose. True, once the initial shock of receiving it wears off you just throw it in a vase and watch it wilt for a week.. but it seems a bit more thoughtful, no? There was also the truck.. the one you could write whatever little message you wanted on the side.. and it always came with messages like "you've been hit by the ugly truck. send this message to 4.6 billion people or you will always be ugly and all your cats will die terrible and chocolate-y deaths."
Speaking of 4.6 billion, what about McDonalds these days!? The "4.6 billion served" (or however many it is now) at some point was changed to "4.6 billion happily served." Are they sure about that? Because I'm pretty sure that I leave McDonalds with a stomach ache and frustratration over the terrible service. There's no 'happily' in that sentence.. They should drop the 'happily' is all I'm saying.. They've also recently revealed that they fry the french fries in beef lard. Some people seem really shocked by this.. It's McDonalds people, what do you expect? At least you're not a Hindu, or rather, Sanatana-Dharmist, who will now be able to look forward to being reincarnated as a cockroach when they die. Sanatana-Dharmists Happily served.. well, now they have to start that sign over at Zero. The answer is simple folks.. McDonalds is run by the devil, is all. Truly. He simply uses it to fool good religious folk into eating forbidden meat, and then sends them merrily on their way to hell. Go team! I read a play once (or part of one anyway) about how hell is actually just being with people.. not fire and chains, but eternal time spent in a room with particularly annoying people. That sounds pretty bad to me, and I think my version very well may be being stuck behind the counter at McDonalds. Could you imagine asking "would you like fries with that" for the rest of eternity? On the flip side, a great version of heaven would be quitting and walking out of that job, over and over and over for all eternity. You'd get to yell right back to your smelly boss and feel no regret. You could even play practical jokes. I mean, you have all of eternity, so you'd be bound to get creative. Maybe when he falls asleep at his desk, as he does every hour on the hour, dress him up in drag, and snicker as he tries to figure out why customers are laughing at him. The sky's the limit people! That sounds like a lot more fun than just chilling on a cloud, no?
Speaking of vague statements.. I'm brought back to the days in middle school when we'd put cryptic away messages up on instant messenger, in hopes that someone specific would understand the secret coded message, and all would end happily ever after with marraige and a picket fence. You know what I'm talking about.. such as secret confessions of your love with lyrics to the latest big love ballad hit. What's more, is that you would type it with the most creative font and style you could. "oNcE i WaS aFrAiD i WaS pEtRiFiEd..." or you would be oh so romantic and give them a virtual rose "to the absolute love of my life: @>~~~" I mean, wow, can it get any better than that? What an ideal gift, so creative too. Personally, I'd prefer a real rose. True, once the initial shock of receiving it wears off you just throw it in a vase and watch it wilt for a week.. but it seems a bit more thoughtful, no? There was also the truck.. the one you could write whatever little message you wanted on the side.. and it always came with messages like "you've been hit by the ugly truck. send this message to 4.6 billion people or you will always be ugly and all your cats will die terrible and chocolate-y deaths."
Speaking of 4.6 billion, what about McDonalds these days!? The "4.6 billion served" (or however many it is now) at some point was changed to "4.6 billion happily served." Are they sure about that? Because I'm pretty sure that I leave McDonalds with a stomach ache and frustratration over the terrible service. There's no 'happily' in that sentence.. They should drop the 'happily' is all I'm saying.. They've also recently revealed that they fry the french fries in beef lard. Some people seem really shocked by this.. It's McDonalds people, what do you expect? At least you're not a Hindu, or rather, Sanatana-Dharmist, who will now be able to look forward to being reincarnated as a cockroach when they die. Sanatana-Dharmists Happily served.. well, now they have to start that sign over at Zero. The answer is simple folks.. McDonalds is run by the devil, is all. Truly. He simply uses it to fool good religious folk into eating forbidden meat, and then sends them merrily on their way to hell. Go team! I read a play once (or part of one anyway) about how hell is actually just being with people.. not fire and chains, but eternal time spent in a room with particularly annoying people. That sounds pretty bad to me, and I think my version very well may be being stuck behind the counter at McDonalds. Could you imagine asking "would you like fries with that" for the rest of eternity? On the flip side, a great version of heaven would be quitting and walking out of that job, over and over and over for all eternity. You'd get to yell right back to your smelly boss and feel no regret. You could even play practical jokes. I mean, you have all of eternity, so you'd be bound to get creative. Maybe when he falls asleep at his desk, as he does every hour on the hour, dress him up in drag, and snicker as he tries to figure out why customers are laughing at him. The sky's the limit people! That sounds like a lot more fun than just chilling on a cloud, no?
Thursday, March 1, 2007
Not gonna lie, it's pretty tough to keep up with the blog. Either I've been really busy, or I haven't found anything worth blogging over lately. I think it's a bit of both. I also think that the soundtrack to Cruel Intentions is (and always has been) awesome and I've been in the right mood to listen to it recently - good stuff.
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
I love the fine arts, truly. Left to my own devices in a museum I will find a painting that compels me, and I'll simply stare at it for what seems an eternity. Paintings are eternity really.. a moment, in life or fantasy, caught by the eye of the beholder. It's unbelievable really. The truly remarkable works of art aren't just the ones that look pretty, or realistic or even true to life. Some include these, but a really beautiful painting holds more beneath, the best part being that each person who views it will see something different. I mean, it must be a pretty deep question, held in the painting.. 'what should I eat after I leave the museum' isn't exactly the sort of question the painter was probably trying to provoke in you. Or maybe he was.. how am I to know, really.
I decided to find a few examples of paintings, in very different styles, to give a glimpse of what I think about when looking at art. The first painting is 'The Piano Lesson' by Matisse (1916.) Any good art connoisseur will tell you that none of your views on the 'deeper meaning' of a painting can be 'wrong.' Therefore, don't go looking up what the artist was trying to convey in these particular paintings and laugh at me when my view is wrong! That would be just, well, lame. So anyway, to me, this isn't just a young boy practicing the piano. That's too simple. Look closely at the music rack, if you read it backwards it says 'player.' Is this boy playing a player piano? A player piano is, in sorts, a self-playing instrument. Perhaps it was just a brand of piano at the time of the painting, but the way I interpret it is that this boy is merely imitating the playing of a piano, he isn't truly playing. Why is this relevant to me and my life? Well, isn't all art just an imitation of life? While the boy has half a face, the woman in the background has none. Is this woman lost in the world of imitation and art wholly, while the boy is only still learning to immerse himself? The statue and ornate railing seem to show the woman's interest in beauty and art, so perhaps she overlooks happily while her young boy learns to create art himself, despite merely imitating it. This next painting, Donna Con Testa di Rose by Dali' Salvador (1935), makes me think heavily of auditions.
The woman in red, so elegant, and dare I saw almost perfect, with clipboard in hand looking over the woman with pieced garb. It is so real-life to see a person, not as a face and body, but as a collection of very different parts. A black glove, a red pant leg, a loose white garment hanging... all the while she is being grasped by her own fears and inhibitions, personified, as they wear white gloves. Let's not forget the floral bouquet the woman has atop her shoulders. It's beautiful. Without seeing her face, we see she is a beautiful woman, yet we're trapped in the moment of indecision.. what will the woman in red decide for her? Is the woman in red looking for a woman with a black glove, a wider knee, or perhaps a bouquet with less yellow..? We'll never know, just as the floral woman will never. In the distance is a blank figure, waiting. Perhaps he has already seen the woman in red, or perhaps he is next to. Perhaps he is both. Then the chair beside the woman in red.. it is only an illusion. Is the woman in red then also? What of the red matter wrapped around her waist, could it be she has fears herself, but of a different shape? Despite all of the possibilities, one thing is for sure; the floral woman is not the first, nor the last to be seen by the woman in red. There are always others, and always will be. The last painting I've posted is Narciso by Caravaggio (1599.) Is this man truly only narcistic, or is it something else? Somehow, I don't think so. Look at his face. I see awe, curiosity, fear.. Look closely at his reflection. It's not of his youthful face, but instead, one much older. But if the boy were simply repulsed by this reflection, he would not be caught staring into it for all eternity. Even though he can never move from this position on the ground, it doesn't seem as if he ever will.
I think he looks into his reflection so deeply not out of vanity, but out of the eternal quest to know oneself. Who is that he sees staring back at him. It seems to me that this boy is staring at his future. Will he know who and what he is to become, even if it is staring him in the face? Perhaps, But I don't think he does. I don't think he ever will. He will however, immortalized on cavas, stare at his future self for all eternity, yet he will never know what he is to become. I don't believe any of us do. Maybe that's a scary thought, but I try to see it as less menacing. What would we do if we knew what was to become of ourselves? What would make life exciting? How would we look toward tomorrow? What would become of passion?
I decided to find a few examples of paintings, in very different styles, to give a glimpse of what I think about when looking at art. The first painting is 'The Piano Lesson' by Matisse (1916.) Any good art connoisseur will tell you that none of your views on the 'deeper meaning' of a painting can be 'wrong.' Therefore, don't go looking up what the artist was trying to convey in these particular paintings and laugh at me when my view is wrong! That would be just, well, lame. So anyway, to me, this isn't just a young boy practicing the piano. That's too simple. Look closely at the music rack, if you read it backwards it says 'player.' Is this boy playing a player piano? A player piano is, in sorts, a self-playing instrument. Perhaps it was just a brand of piano at the time of the painting, but the way I interpret it is that this boy is merely imitating the playing of a piano, he isn't truly playing. Why is this relevant to me and my life? Well, isn't all art just an imitation of life? While the boy has half a face, the woman in the background has none. Is this woman lost in the world of imitation and art wholly, while the boy is only still learning to immerse himself? The statue and ornate railing seem to show the woman's interest in beauty and art, so perhaps she overlooks happily while her young boy learns to create art himself, despite merely imitating it. This next painting, Donna Con Testa di Rose by Dali' Salvador (1935), makes me think heavily of auditions.
The woman in red, so elegant, and dare I saw almost perfect, with clipboard in hand looking over the woman with pieced garb. It is so real-life to see a person, not as a face and body, but as a collection of very different parts. A black glove, a red pant leg, a loose white garment hanging... all the while she is being grasped by her own fears and inhibitions, personified, as they wear white gloves. Let's not forget the floral bouquet the woman has atop her shoulders. It's beautiful. Without seeing her face, we see she is a beautiful woman, yet we're trapped in the moment of indecision.. what will the woman in red decide for her? Is the woman in red looking for a woman with a black glove, a wider knee, or perhaps a bouquet with less yellow..? We'll never know, just as the floral woman will never. In the distance is a blank figure, waiting. Perhaps he has already seen the woman in red, or perhaps he is next to. Perhaps he is both. Then the chair beside the woman in red.. it is only an illusion. Is the woman in red then also? What of the red matter wrapped around her waist, could it be she has fears herself, but of a different shape? Despite all of the possibilities, one thing is for sure; the floral woman is not the first, nor the last to be seen by the woman in red. There are always others, and always will be. The last painting I've posted is Narciso by Caravaggio (1599.) Is this man truly only narcistic, or is it something else? Somehow, I don't think so. Look at his face. I see awe, curiosity, fear.. Look closely at his reflection. It's not of his youthful face, but instead, one much older. But if the boy were simply repulsed by this reflection, he would not be caught staring into it for all eternity. Even though he can never move from this position on the ground, it doesn't seem as if he ever will.
I think he looks into his reflection so deeply not out of vanity, but out of the eternal quest to know oneself. Who is that he sees staring back at him. It seems to me that this boy is staring at his future. Will he know who and what he is to become, even if it is staring him in the face? Perhaps, But I don't think he does. I don't think he ever will. He will however, immortalized on cavas, stare at his future self for all eternity, yet he will never know what he is to become. I don't believe any of us do. Maybe that's a scary thought, but I try to see it as less menacing. What would we do if we knew what was to become of ourselves? What would make life exciting? How would we look toward tomorrow? What would become of passion?
Friday, February 9, 2007
I took down a post that was here, not that anyone would miss it. In its place I'm writing about something more exciting. When I read, I really read.. generally I end up reading the book in a day because I can never put it down. Today I read 'til the fat girl sings, From an Overweight Nobody to a Broadway Somebody -A Memoir, by Sharon Wheatley. People, it is inspirational and worth the price of admission. I paid $14.95 at Borders for it, but apparently it's even less at Border's website [now part of Amazon.] You pay at least 5 times as much to see a Broadway show, and you can pay this little fee to peer into the life of a Broadway performer. The book did have high expectations, as it was highly recommend to me. It did not disappoint. I feel that I have just a tiny bit more insight into the crazy business I want to get myself into. I also feel enlightened to the story of a fellow human being, which always makes me feel more in touch with this crazy world, and with myself. I realize I have a lot of soul searching to do, and much more of myself to find in these next precious few years. It seems as if my college journey has been far too long, but I'm learning that things truly do happen for a reason and I've needed every minute to continue learning about Andy Fontaine. Will I ever be able to make the kinds of decisions required of me? How far am I willing to go? There's lots to consider. And may I say, that there is nothing better than being forced into investigating the inner workings of yourself. We need to grow - we need to change. We also need to find our flaws, learn to deal with them, unlearn it, relearn it, and someday finally accept them.A quote, which rings true with me:
"That night, as the house lights dimmed, I sat on the edge of my seat listening to the orchestra play the overture. It sounded so different from my recording, so crisp and exciting, that I felt the hair on my arms stand up. When the curtain went up, and I saw those real-life-kids just like me on that stage, I started to cry-and I didn't stop until the show was over and we were in the car on the way home. It was the most complicated emotion I had ever felt-a mixture of awe, love, magic, longing, and good old-fashioned jealousy. If a person could actually turn green from envy, a hysterical, pudgy, freckled nine-year-old, the color of the Wicked Witch of the West, would have occupied my seat at Oliver that night.
I've heard that show-biz people have it in their blood, and I am here to tell you that during that performance of Oliver, I got a complete show-biz blood transfusion. I cried myself to sleep that night, furious at the injustice of a life that had made me a mere audience member. Never again, I vowed to myself. From that day forward, I was an actress."
This book will make you think. Let it.
Tuesday, February 6, 2007
I was going to post a Youtube video for this entry [funny commercial from the superbowl], but then stopped and realized that I have already posted two in the past week. What is it about Youtube? People are becoming more and more enthralled with the internet [not that it's a bad thing] but it's really interesting to see how things are progressing. There have been major new innovations that were once the newest fad, and now are just part of everybodys daily routine. Myspace, for example was huge when it was first launched. Now we have facebook [which dare I say, in my opinion, is far superior to Myspace..] and NOW there's Youtube. It's been around for a while, but it never really became too big of a deal until what seems fairly recently. Now I can't go a day on campus without someone telling me to watch 'shoes' or 'candy mountain' or whatever else is floating around. Everyone makes videos and posts in hopes of becoming the new talk of Youtube. I have a theory though. I blame it all on reality TV, and I think it all began on the internet with ebaums world. People saw how crazily infatuated the world is with watching stupid people do stupid shit [especially if it has weird techno music.] Remember Numa Numa? Did you know that became SO popular that someone actually made a flash animation of him singing on American Idle? Yeah, and what's worse; it's saved on my computer. Lame, I know. That was really the first Youtube-like sensation that I can recall, even though it was pre-Youtube, and it wasn't even ON Youtube. I'm sure it is now, if you were to search for it I'm positive you'd find it. So what's next? Well, I have a theory for that too. There were a billion videos of Sadam's assassination posted on Youtube [most of which I'm sure were fake], is that the next internet fad? Watching people die via Youtube? Watching people leave this earth, it's like playing God. It'll be called Deathtube [patent pending]. I can see it all now.. just imagine...
And then of course after that the gimmick won't just be that you're PLAYING God, it'll be that you ARE God. You'll be able to control people's lives from an online control center. There'll be buttons like "trip with crack in the sidewalk..." or "explode abode of..." [there'll be lots of fun word play like that.. has a nice ring to it: explode abode.. it's a great marketing strategy for Deathtube actually.] You won't ACTUALLY be able to directly kill anyone though. That would breech lots of contracts, and the patent God has on death. [Obviously.] But if you're lucky, by tripping someone enough, they're bound to get a bad enough concussion that they may not survive. Who knows. The best part of all? Like Youtube, it'll be free, thanks to sponsorship from corporate America. DEATHTUBE [TM] Sponsored by Pepsi - Do the Death Deed while you Do the Dew! [TM]
And then of course after that the gimmick won't just be that you're PLAYING God, it'll be that you ARE God. You'll be able to control people's lives from an online control center. There'll be buttons like "trip with crack in the sidewalk..." or "explode abode of..." [there'll be lots of fun word play like that.. has a nice ring to it: explode abode.. it's a great marketing strategy for Deathtube actually.] You won't ACTUALLY be able to directly kill anyone though. That would breech lots of contracts, and the patent God has on death. [Obviously.] But if you're lucky, by tripping someone enough, they're bound to get a bad enough concussion that they may not survive. Who knows. The best part of all? Like Youtube, it'll be free, thanks to sponsorship from corporate America. DEATHTUBE [TM] Sponsored by Pepsi - Do the Death Deed while you Do the Dew! [TM]
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