I got to admit it's getting better, getting better all the time

Tonight was a landmark, if you will. I had my first real paid professional gig (as in, not school-related, or a favor for anyone.) I was offered a gig performing in a reading here in Boston because they loved my stuff on youtube.. It's a reel, really, my stuff on youtube that is, so it's not such a stretch - but it does sort of rule that I got a job through youtube. (The listing for the gig was on craigslist, which makes it even more crazy.) Who needs auditions anyway?!
The reading was tonight, and it went pretty well. I wasn't 100% happy with my performance - but when am I ever really? In the end, I was under a lot of pressure (from myself), the rehearsal period was extremely short, and yet the show seemed to go well. Now its in the hands of the backers and producers to pick it up or not. I'm not really sure what role, if any, I could possibly have with this show should it continue on to the NYMTF, or onto a venue in Boston, but it'll be interesting to see what happens with it. I definitely think there's lots of potential in it, and with the right adjustments it could do really well.
Despite the adrenaline and nerves involved in such a landmark, I couldn't help but feel a bit depressed when it was over. I'm not sure exactly what it was, but I think it was the fact that my week of rehearsals (and time off from the restaurant) was over, and now it was time to go back to the job I honestly despise. I wasn't depressed because I missed the show, I guess it was just enough of a taste of the career I know I can have. It's been a journey and a struggle, but I finally have the real, deep-rooted confidence to know that I can be the performer I have always wanted to be. In fact, I know that if I can get my butt to enough auditions, I can work consistently. It's all a matter of time really, and that time will come when I either find the secret to being an actor in Boston, or I move to New York. Either way, right now there doesn't seem to be a whole wealth of opportunities here. Even the companies that do hire actors don't really provide enough of a paycheck to live on without having some other sort of job to pay the bills.
I still remember that 'punch-in-the-gut' feeling I got when I saw the tour of the Producers in Providence.. it was the first time I had seen a professional show, and I literally felt sick to my stomach because I wanted so badly to be on that stage. It's been close to almost a decade since then, but I can happily look back, and even at my life now, and see how much farther I have come to accomplishing that goal. I am getting so close I can taste it, and it tastes good. It tastes real good.

oh, well hello

I can sort of taste a career beginning to form in my life [a career in performance that is], mostly because I finally graduated from college [600 years later..] but also because I just have that feeling pulling at my gut. As of tomorrow I will be going to a rehearsal for a reading of a new rock musical that is trying to get off the ground, by showcasing in front of New York and Boston producers and backers. Very glitzy and glamorous really.. Despite this huge rise to fame, I am still, as of yet, employed at a restaurant and not a paid performer by trade [well, first check comes on Monday] but that's not the point. I can feel New York pulling me in, sort of like the big polls they used to use on vaudeville.. except this is actually a good sort of pole pulling me. Yes, yes, New York is very expensive and I can't vault myself into stardom my first week there, but I certainly can't find a way to be a working actor here in Boston. There are a few important things keeping me here in my home state, but they can't hold me here for too long. Thanks to the wonders of the internet I can see what my fellow alums from OCU are up to, and it is all very much something I can be a part of once I get my self over there.
Until that happens, however, I am content in doing whatever gigs I can get here in beantown whilst I also work on marketing myself.. I have created a webpage [insert applause] which to me, seems the beginning of a professional career that can only gain in momentum. So what if the only hits my site has gotten are from my Mom and my housemates.. that's irrelevent. Eventually it will be flooded with teenager wanna-be's and their moms. Until then, www.andyfontaine.com is my own personal masterpiece. Once I have some professional credits worth bragging about, they will make their way onto the site and things can only go up from there.
Anyway, it's always fun to stumble upon my own blog and decide to add to it.

I love remembering that I have a blog and going back to read it. Seriously folks, it's invigorating. For as I write this, I'm in my last semester of college. Ever. EVER! After 6 long years of studying, practicing, transferring and not sleeping I am finally about to finish this long journey. Saying that I am infinitely elated is an understatement, and I simply can NOT wait to begin living life as a real person, with a job and no homework or judgmental professors. [I'm going to pretend that I don't realize the real life involves take-home work and judgmental bosses.]
Just a few blogs ago I talked about my Jr recital, and now I'm about to embark on my Senior recital. It's twice as long, features only me and is full of musical theatre pieces that are beginning to become irksome. It's not that singing them isn't fun, it's just that having them as part of this monstrous college capstone is sort of bringing down the fun-level. By a large margin.
Alright now, brace yourself, as I go into the horribly scary discussion of... loan repayment [blood curdling scream!] It's okay, just breath. I realized that the time would come sooner or later, [hoping it would come later rather than sooner] but I was also hoping the country wouldn't be in a massive recession when I graduated. I had also hoped that the banks and loan companies would decide to take up some love for their fellow man [like me] and decide to forgive all loans. Forever. Yeah, it's a little far-fetched, but can't a guy dream?
A lot has changed since I last blogged... I mentioned the recession. We have a new president [thank God, Buddha, Vishnu, or whomever you worship] because not only is it NOT Bush, it's Obama. Rock'n'roll. He's a democrat, and black. What this means is that he's not Bush. I'm pretty sure this is exactly what we all need. Let's see, what else... Jen Dear had a baby: Haley Jane. She is beautiful. There have been some ups and downs, but life isn't too shabby. But it'll be a lot less shabby once school is over. Please God-uddha-ishnu, let it come quickly!

so i have a job for the summer. it's not a performing gig. this is what happens when you only do a few auditions. ironically, the reason i didn't do unifieds like i had planned is because i was already involved in a show, which kept me from making the audition. funny how that works. anyway, i'm working at a restaurant that happens to be very trendy and pricey. the hope is that i'll make mucho$, but the less happy part is that i'll be staying here in oklahoma instead of visiting the best friends back home. i'm hoping that i'll be able to get away for a much-needed vaca. i can only take so much oklahoma without going a little stir-crazy. someone was telling me that oklahoma city made the top of a 'places to never visit' list. pretty sweet. i spend most of my year here. how programs like this end up in empty places like this is ever and always beyond me. however, thanks to my new job i now have an oklahoma liquor license. [or rather, thanks to the ok state website and a $30 application fee.] that's right folks, i can now legally serve you alcoholic beverages, get excited.
i am aware how random this is [when taken out of the context that i know it to be in] but, there is a reason why the rights to wicked have not been released. that's all. carry on.

it's that time of year.. the end of school. two weeks from today, i will have been done with finals for 3 whole days. i yearn for that day. this is the point where there are a lot of loose ends to be tied, and of course they're uber-stressful. life tends to be that way. there is always a multitude of loose ends to tie, no matter where you are in your life's timeline. unfortunately, you can't close your eyes and wait for things to disappear like when you were a kid. you have to do someone about it, and that's the hard part.
there's no point to this post, other than the small glimmer of hope that i can look back at this and laugh, because all of the woes of school, debt, and more debt have long disappeared and that big ugly monster that has been weighing down on my shoulders will have disappeared.

people say you don't miss something until it's gone. it's true. it took years and years of people telling me this, but it took until today to really prove it. hydration... i miss it. that's right. post-recital, i decided to be lazy and stop drinking agua so much. i apparently needed it, because since, my body is hating me for stopping. i can feel what it's like to not be hydrated. it sucks. random tangent, but important nonetheless.
speaking of recital.. my mom was here, and it was great. the surprise i mentioned, was that i flew my sister out and didn't tell mom. she loved it. so much so, that when i opened the door she screamed. it's moments like those that make life so sweet. the recital itself went well too. the best part, is that it is over. i went into my coaching today and just noodled around with different music theatre pieces, and it felt wonnnderful to be singing something a, in english and b, fun. don't get me wrong, i enjoy a little mozart here and there, but show tunes just do something for my soul..
i'm rambling. i don't really have anything profound to put down for memories' sake, but alas, here i am writing anyway. whenever i write, i try to be as positive and forward-thinking possible, because it is the best way to make things move in a positive direction. it's also a lot more pleasant to read back in time and find some happy thoughts. and heck, i believe that affirmations work. and why the heck shouldn't they?

"we can forget all our troubles, forget all our cares and go downtown." kick-butt song. emma bunton's cover of it is pretty sweet too. life has been stressful around here lately. by lately, i mean this afternoon. my junior recital is coming up, and it's funny how even though i'm really a senior [thanks to the wonders of transferring] i should feel more than prepared for this thing, but man oh man am i nervous about it. i love ocu for forcing me to put on a classical recital, and i hate ocu for forcing me to put on a classical recital. i guess that's just how life goes. i'll be glad that i did it when it's over, but this is a prime example of how stressful this kind of work can get.
although i'm not positive, i think it's going to be great. it's certainly going to be great having some family there, that's for sure. i've almost forgotten the feeling of having my mom out in the house during a show, because it just can't happen as much as it used to. she flew out for le villi, which was really awesome. i didn't want to make her come out here for the ballad of baby doe, for $sake. it'll be great for her to hear me get my classical tenor on though, and i have a great little surprise planned for her that i just know she's going to love.
there's also something to be said about nice weather. it's finally starting to feel like spring out here.. slowly, but surely. something about the fresh air, sun and birds makes me feel like loving life.
i need to soak up that air while i'm thinking about $ as well, and i'll have plenty of time to do that while is stay on campus over spring break this year. i'm poor, for now. i also have a recital to work on, and a week of uninterrupted time is just what i need.
$ would be nice too.. if you have any you'd like to donate.