so i have a job for the summer. it's not a performing gig. this is what happens when you only do a few auditions. ironically, the reason i didn't do unifieds like i had planned is because i was already involved in a show, which kept me from making the audition. funny how that works. anyway, i'm working at a restaurant that happens to be very trendy and pricey. the hope is that i'll make mucho$, but the less happy part is that i'll be staying here in oklahoma instead of visiting the best friends back home. i'm hoping that i'll be able to get away for a much-needed vaca. i can only take so much oklahoma without going a little stir-crazy. someone was telling me that oklahoma city made the top of a 'places to never visit' list. pretty sweet. i spend most of my year here. how programs like this end up in empty places like this is ever and always beyond me. however, thanks to my new job i now have an oklahoma liquor license. [or rather, thanks to the ok state website and a $30 application fee.] that's right folks, i can now legally serve you alcoholic beverages, get excited.
i am aware how random this is [when taken out of the context that i know it to be in] but, there is a reason why the rights to wicked have not been released. that's all. carry on.

it's that time of year.. the end of school. two weeks from today, i will have been done with finals for 3 whole days. i yearn for that day. this is the point where there are a lot of loose ends to be tied, and of course they're uber-stressful. life tends to be that way. there is always a multitude of loose ends to tie, no matter where you are in your life's timeline. unfortunately, you can't close your eyes and wait for things to disappear like when you were a kid. you have to do someone about it, and that's the hard part.
there's no point to this post, other than the small glimmer of hope that i can look back at this and laugh, because all of the woes of school, debt, and more debt have long disappeared and that big ugly monster that has been weighing down on my shoulders will have disappeared.

people say you don't miss something until it's gone. it's true. it took years and years of people telling me this, but it took until today to really prove it. hydration... i miss it. that's right. post-recital, i decided to be lazy and stop drinking agua so much. i apparently needed it, because since, my body is hating me for stopping. i can feel what it's like to not be hydrated. it sucks. random tangent, but important nonetheless.
speaking of recital.. my mom was here, and it was great. the surprise i mentioned, was that i flew my sister out and didn't tell mom. she loved it. so much so, that when i opened the door she screamed. it's moments like those that make life so sweet. the recital itself went well too. the best part, is that it is over. i went into my coaching today and just noodled around with different music theatre pieces, and it felt wonnnderful to be singing something a, in english and b, fun. don't get me wrong, i enjoy a little mozart here and there, but show tunes just do something for my soul..
i'm rambling. i don't really have anything profound to put down for memories' sake, but alas, here i am writing anyway. whenever i write, i try to be as positive and forward-thinking possible, because it is the best way to make things move in a positive direction. it's also a lot more pleasant to read back in time and find some happy thoughts. and heck, i believe that affirmations work. and why the heck shouldn't they?

"we can forget all our troubles, forget all our cares and go downtown." kick-butt song. emma bunton's cover of it is pretty sweet too. life has been stressful around here lately. by lately, i mean this afternoon. my junior recital is coming up, and it's funny how even though i'm really a senior [thanks to the wonders of transferring] i should feel more than prepared for this thing, but man oh man am i nervous about it. i love ocu for forcing me to put on a classical recital, and i hate ocu for forcing me to put on a classical recital. i guess that's just how life goes. i'll be glad that i did it when it's over, but this is a prime example of how stressful this kind of work can get.
although i'm not positive, i think it's going to be great. it's certainly going to be great having some family there, that's for sure. i've almost forgotten the feeling of having my mom out in the house during a show, because it just can't happen as much as it used to. she flew out for le villi, which was really awesome. i didn't want to make her come out here for the ballad of baby doe, for $sake. it'll be great for her to hear me get my classical tenor on though, and i have a great little surprise planned for her that i just know she's going to love.
there's also something to be said about nice weather. it's finally starting to feel like spring out here.. slowly, but surely. something about the fresh air, sun and birds makes me feel like loving life.
i need to soak up that air while i'm thinking about $ as well, and i'll have plenty of time to do that while is stay on campus over spring break this year. i'm poor, for now. i also have a recital to work on, and a week of uninterrupted time is just what i need.
$ would be nice too.. if you have any you'd like to donate.

it's interesting how all you have to do to achieve something, is to tell yourself you want to. and you will. funny how that works. other part of that, is that you actually have to work for it - it won't just happen. every day this becomes more and more clear to me. there's also a point where you realize that there are some things that just won't change, and you have to accept them. it's easy to get swept up in the craziness all around, and not be grateful for what you have achieved. and guess what else? you can't be good at everything. and you know what, that doesn't mean you can't do it all; you just can't do it ALL.
i'm sitting here thinking about me, myself and i, and wondering how i've changed. i read a post from a year back, which is always interesting (and why i write these things in the first place. even if not always as often as i'd like to.) a year ago i was dying to be cast at this school, here i am doing my second main stage show. i can't help but frown at myself when i really think about how all i can do is focus on what i haven't achieved yet... like being in a musical, or having a role, or whatever else my brain can dig up. there are some people who have been leading roles twice this school year, and that's ok. that doesn't mean i won't, or that if i don't, that i can't. i do, however, miss the old days. i've been reminiscing back to the dean days recently, when there was a wonderful foursome of joey, sarah, jen and myself. i want to reunite that group in new york so much that it hurts. i want us all to work, and most importantly to soak up the awesome things life can throw at us.
i really need to be off to rehearsal, but i needed a little blog-therapy. i'll be back more often in the near future. i miss it.