I got to admit it's getting better, getting better all the time

Tonight was a landmark, if you will. I had my first real paid professional gig (as in, not school-related, or a favor for anyone.) I was offered a gig performing in a reading here in Boston because they loved my stuff on youtube.. It's a reel, really, my stuff on youtube that is, so it's not such a stretch - but it does sort of rule that I got a job through youtube. (The listing for the gig was on craigslist, which makes it even more crazy.) Who needs auditions anyway?!
The reading was tonight, and it went pretty well. I wasn't 100% happy with my performance - but when am I ever really? In the end, I was under a lot of pressure (from myself), the rehearsal period was extremely short, and yet the show seemed to go well. Now its in the hands of the backers and producers to pick it up or not. I'm not really sure what role, if any, I could possibly have with this show should it continue on to the NYMTF, or onto a venue in Boston, but it'll be interesting to see what happens with it. I definitely think there's lots of potential in it, and with the right adjustments it could do really well.
Despite the adrenaline and nerves involved in such a landmark, I couldn't help but feel a bit depressed when it was over. I'm not sure exactly what it was, but I think it was the fact that my week of rehearsals (and time off from the restaurant) was over, and now it was time to go back to the job I honestly despise. I wasn't depressed because I missed the show, I guess it was just enough of a taste of the career I know I can have. It's been a journey and a struggle, but I finally have the real, deep-rooted confidence to know that I can be the performer I have always wanted to be. In fact, I know that if I can get my butt to enough auditions, I can work consistently. It's all a matter of time really, and that time will come when I either find the secret to being an actor in Boston, or I move to New York. Either way, right now there doesn't seem to be a whole wealth of opportunities here. Even the companies that do hire actors don't really provide enough of a paycheck to live on without having some other sort of job to pay the bills.
I still remember that 'punch-in-the-gut' feeling I got when I saw the tour of the Producers in Providence.. it was the first time I had seen a professional show, and I literally felt sick to my stomach because I wanted so badly to be on that stage. It's been close to almost a decade since then, but I can happily look back, and even at my life now, and see how much farther I have come to accomplishing that goal. I am getting so close I can taste it, and it tastes good. It tastes real good.