With the pain involved with a wisdom tooth poking its way further through my gums, I got to thinking about dentists, and why they're so scary. Plus, my boss is in the unpleasant process of oral surgery to correct a problem with a cap. But really now, why are dentists so scary? A lot of people are more scared of dentists than of doctors. Man, I would think a tooth cleaning would be a little less nerve-wracking than having a surgeon cut open your vital organs.. you know, the ones you need to survive.. I know for certain that there are toothless yokels out there who are doing quite fine. How many people do you know walking around without lungs or a large intestine? Anyway, I digress. The dentist. They're usually very nice, at least the ones I've been to. And as a kid, there were always fun Dr. Seuss books and those 3D bead maze things. You know what I'm talking about. As an adult you can read up on the latest celeb gossip, although I prefer reading a little Dr. Seuss myself. [One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish? How does he think of these things?! Complete genius..] Back to the magazines. Let's leave the poor people alone, eh? Imagine if People Magazine did spreads on locals like you and I.. that'd be boring. Who would want to see pictures of Mrs. Thomas coming out of the supermarket in flipflops and a moomoo? [Especially if they were taken from the bushes] or an article about how the guy in apartment 8B divorced his wife of 2 weeks to be with another woman.. [zzz] Well, if that appeals to you I think we should have a 1-on-1 chat about a little thing called gossip. It's bad. [Although down here in the south it's not so much a thing as it is a way of life..] That being said, me being a completely ordinary unfamous guy, if you were taking pictures of me coming out of the supermarket in flipflops and a moomoo from the bushes, be forewarned that I would not hesitate to throw a heavy object in your general direction.. whether I be famous or not. Speaking of heavy objects.. The gym.. My new years resolution this year was to get in better shape. I'm pretty sure that 99% of Americans make that resolution as well. Maybe I'll be in the tiny percentile who actually get off their butts and go to the gym to make it happen. [scoff!] I mean, I'm already one step ahead of most.. I don't have to send a check to a gym, I have a free one right on campus. [By free, I mean included in my overly-inflated tuition] Well, I haven't been yet.. but I keep telling myself that it's too cold to walk over there now.. I'll go when spring hits. So would I rather go to the dentist or the gym? The dentist is just one visit, where as the gym is a long term commitment for not so immediate results. One visit to the dentist equals sparkly teeth. One visit to the gym equals one sweat-soaked shirt and sore tiny biceps. Then again, there is no wait for the gym, but then again you can't get out of work for it either.. No free toothbrush when you go to the gym though... tough decision. I don't know what to choose! I suppose I'd have to go with the gym.. mainly because I don't have dental insurance at present and a free trip to the gym certainly matches my current budget.
So it's the gym. Now I have to go. Dangit. Should I be going to the dentist to check out my wisdom teeth though? I have both lower wisdom teeth in.. and they're oh so slowly growing in. [It's taken over a year for them to just barely break through the gums.] Who decided to call them gums anyway? And why gums with an 's'? When we talk about chewing gum, people would look at you like you're an idiot if you were to add an 's' to make gum plural. "Yeah, I just love chewing my Orbit Bubblemint[tm] Gums. Mmmm!" And yet if you say that your tooth is poking through your gum people would also look at you strangely. Or perhaps they would say "that's a great story.. you should tell that at parties." [with oodles of sarcasm of course.]

I'm not 100% sure, but I think it doesn't matter.

Run, don't walk to the nearest theater, to see it if you haven't already. Dreamgirls. Like you didn't know what I was talking about. It was so hyped up that by the time I was finally able to go to the theaters to see it I didn't think I would end up loving it as much as everyone else. Wrong. Just see it, you'll understand. Good music. Good story. Good insight into this crazy business of entertainment. Good cinematography. Good actors. It's all good people.

And you know what else, Beyonce was better than I was expecting. Good for her. Of course Jennifer Hudson was unbelievable - such is to be expected. The gal has pipes. Dude, art like this really makes me proud to be an entertainer. That's why I train.. ideally, the technique will be there so I can express myself and get across my message. Don't know what it is yet, but it'll come. [gosh I can ramble..] Just see the movie! You won't regret it.

So we've got a gay sheep controversy. We've also got a senate about ready to cut off a President. Let me start with the later.
So you see, with the opposition to Bush's proposal to send 20,000 more troops to Iraq, Bush's approval ratings have fallen as low as Nixon's after the watergate scandal, and those during the Vietnam War. Those aren't good stats for Pres. Pretzel, if you didn't know. There are several proposals floating around Senate right now that would symbolically cut off the President if he sends these troops into the stalemate that is Iraq. For those who have forgotten a thing or two from History and Government, the President (thanks to a bogus bill) is able to make whatever executive decisions regarding warfare that he deems essential. [It's all in the wording..] This means that Senate can oppose this all they want, but they can't really stop it from happening. However, they CAN cut off financial ties to the President. Where do you think Bushie gets his allowance to play his large scale game of Risk [great board game.. very competitive though; be weary.] So the cut off would be merely symbolic, but it certainly gets the message across. All of this, but do we think Bush is going to change his mind? Hell no. As a matter of fact, Vice Pres. "oops I accidentally shot him" said on a CNN interview "It won't stop us." ..It won't stop us.. What WOULD stop them? Perhaps if global warming dramatically hits [like it's due to] the ice caps will melt and flood Prezel and Shotgun out of the White House. Or maybe some angry taxpayers weilding fire and pitch forks will demand change. Or quite possibly, Bushie will choke on another pretzel. Whatever it takes, Senate symbolically cutting off the administration will NOT force a change. Georgie will have it his way. Why? Because, well, he's the President and he wears suits 'n stuff.

Moving on, perhaps to the more shocking bit of news.. A scientist, Charles Roselli, is facing huge controversy over a study about gay sheep. Yes, gay sheep. Somehow, this didn't really surprise me. What DID surprise me is that apparently 8% of rams [male sheeps, smartie pants] prefer to do it with other rams. No scientific fact to back myself up here, but it seems to line up with the 'supposed' percentage of gay humans. Emphasis on the supposed. [When it all comes down to it, aren't all Homo Sapien Sapien's, well, homos? Let's all just get along now then, alright?] a'hem. Back to Roselli.. the man has been recieving oodles of hate mail from animal rights activists and GBLT rights activists alike. Now, I have a vested interest in both of these areas, but could we possibly cut the poor man an iota of slack? I'm not all about cutting open Ram brains to find out what makes them dislike eweginas, but I do acknowledge that science has been doing things like this forever. Just google "science and animal rights" and you'll see what I mean. This doesn't make it okay. However, I'm just saying it's nothing to write to the press about - yet one has. But what I do NOT understand is the involvement of the Gay Rights activists. Did I not get the gay-memo about this? Maybe hotmail is blocking it. [Microsoft.. they would.] Since when does Gay Rights include sheep? Let's not feed the anti-gay fire here.. Regardless, I don't see the relevance. We have rams that like rams.. Can't we just rejoice in that we have scientific facts to explain to skeptics that homosexuality DOES occur in nature.. I don't know people.. pick your battles. But back [again] to Mr. Roselli, there was massive misrepresentation in the media about his experiments and his intent. There was talk about him trying to find a gay vaccine of sorts, by probing these sheep. Who comes up with this stuff? Maybe it was Bush - Hell, maybe he's trying to find a way to clone gay sheep so he can send them to be killed in Iraq. I mean, he doesn't want Gay HUMANS in the armed forces..

Bottom line:

gay sheep are OKAY. Sure, let's learn more about them, but not kill the poor buggers.
and
George W. Bush is, was, and always will be a four year old. Thank god for our balanced system of government.

A good friend of mine is going to be coming to OCU in the fall. I'm psyched. She's all set too, because she's got insider info and this is going to MAKE her dreams come true! I'm excited for her, hardcore.

Only thing is, she just doesn't know that she's coming yet. But I do.

The New Dorm is the talk of OCU right now, and after living with three inch cockroaches, moldy air, cold water and weird rust pouring out of the shower wall Joe and I have decided enough is enough and we're moving into the new dorm in the fall. Now, it's still under construction so there's no guarantee that it will be done by then. But then again, there are a lot of students already signed up who will be mighty angry if it's not. Regardless, I don't think living off campus would work next year, so the beautiful new dorm is the next best option. It does cost more than the regular dorms, of course, but each room has it's own bathroom, balcony, FULL SIZED BED and kitchenette, with a shared living space and an assigned covered parking spot.There is going to be a mini-supermarket inside the dorm... aka I can walk in my slippers down the hall when it's ice-storming outside (like it is right now) to get a gallon of milk and carton of cookie dough ice cream. I can also STORE my milk and icecream in the fridge [which I can not at present.] Plus, the dorm is totally co-ed. Not by room, so I can't live with a girl, but a girl can live right next door to me. That's pretty sweet. Anyway, aside from that, the rooms are grouped as singles, doubles, or quads. This is a corner double, which would be the ideal. I suppose Joe and I could go into a quad with 2 other guys, but we'd have to find a couple friends to do that with, and I'm not quite sure of who is and isn't planning on living in the new dorm. Joe and I need to go to res life and sign up for a room, and then I can rejoice. Until then, it's just an idea. So this is the new dorm NOW. Still a bunch of concrete. But they're on floor 2 of 4, so we're getting there. Look carefully and you'll see one of the elevator shafts rising up in the sky towards nowhere. Sort of fun. You can also see the Cokesbury Apartments across the street. The new dorm will be even nicer, and it will be considered part of tuition, which is sweet. No paying by the month. I also hear that the furniture in the new dorm will be leather and really nice. The furniture in Cokesbury is that nasty multicolored boxy 90's furniture. You know what I'm talking about.. like the stuff at cheap motels and at your grandma's place. This could could be a vicious lie, but then again, anything is better than the grandma furniture. It'll save me $33.99 [plus tax] and a trip to Target to buy a tacky couch slipcover.

More W&G quotes? Well, if you say so!

Ben Doucette: Let's talk wine. Karen, you have any preference?
Karen: Honey, I'd suck the alcohol out of a deodorant stick, so you're asking the wrong gal.

Karen: Grace, that blouse hurts like a hangover.

Stranger at the Gay Parade: You see, your drag name is the name of the first pet you had and the name of the first street you lived on.
Karen: So mine would be uh... ShuShu Fontanna.
[they all laugh and clap]
Karen: That's hysterical. Jackie what's yours?
Jack: [upset] Glen 125th.

[Jack doesn't believe that Bonnie, Eliot's mother, is gay]
Jack: No, it can't be... say something lesbionic..
Bonnie: Home Depot.
Jack: K.D. Lang you are a lesbian!

Cher: Don't talk to me about rejection, okay? Look how many times I've gone down in flames. Remember, I LOST the Oscar for 'Moonstruck'.
Jack: But you WON the Oscar for 'Moonstruck'.
Cher: And don't you forget it.

[Grace has to get her blood drawn by a very young nurse]
Grace: Whoa, whoa, her? Isn't there someone who's a little more... experienced? Someone who didn't drive in on a Big Wheel?
Nurse Trainee Pittman: Oh, I don't drive. I keep taking the test over and over, but I'm all, "This is hard."

Will: [about Stan] He didn't find out about your affair, did he?
Karen: No. Thank God my boobs are like arms. I was able to distract Stan with one of them while the other one motioned for Lionel to get out the door.

Jack: But there's always a lot of rich, old gay guys at those things looking for younger gay guys to take care of. You know, the way Dick Cheney takes care of George Bush.

Jack: Heterosexual marriage is just wrong. I mean, if God had meant men and women to be together, he would have given them both penises.

Grace: Sweetie, are you gonna be okay? You sure you don't want me to stick around in case Kevin comes back? You know I'm a good biter. I once bit a jump rope in half.
Will: Why?
Grace: [pause] What d'you mean, "why"?


Karen: They're trying to make gay people straight? Good Lord! Don't they know what that'll do to the fall line?

Jack: Today is an important day for you. You're not just losing a friend, you're losing a hag.
Will: She is not my hag. She's just a single woman who used to be in love with me and who hasn't spent a day away from me since college.
[sighs]
Will: She's been a good hag.

Karen: [in a luandromat] What is this place? It's pretty.
[starts to tap on a washing machine]
Karen: Where are all the fishes?
Grace: No Karen this is a laundramat, normal people wash their clothes and wear them again.
Karen: Well poor people are just plain clever.

Will: Where's all the Chinese food?
Grace: Oh, I opened it up and started to eat it and then I noticed a hair in it. So I called the restaurant to complain and they were like "Well, how do you know its not your hair?" and I said "Well, I know what my hair tastes like." Anyway, I got so disgusted, I threw it all out.
Will: You ate all of it, didn't you?
Grace: Yes, I did.

Barry: I can't go out with the guy. He's an all star, I'm barely in the minors.
Will: Sports again? What did I tell you to say when you have thoughts like that?
Barry: Oh, yeah. Liza, Judy, Barbara, Bette, these are names I shant forget.

Jack: Will, have you totally forgotten how to speak our language? 'Running late' is gay for 'I'm blowing you off.'
Will: Really. What's gay for 'get out'?
Jack: That would be 'good morning.'

[Karen is running a scam with her con-artist mother, and she is wearing a sweatshirt that says 'I Loves Me Kitty']
Jack: Oh, my God, I have that same shirt! Except, um, mine has a big rooster on it, and it says 'I love me big, red - '
Will: Jack!

Karen: [Grace enters wearing a cow-print skirt] Woah. Got skirt?

[Owen has just interrupted Jack's solo]
Jack: Uh, excuse me. As Aretha said to Gloria, Celine, Shania, and Mariah during Divas Live...
[in an Aretha voice]
Jack: "Are you trippin'? No one interrupts the Queen of Soul, bitch. OK?"
Owen: Well, I believe she also said, "Hey, Cuba, Canada, Cowgirl, Crazy, get out of my light and away from my snacks, bitch."

Kevin Bacon: When the stalkers leave, it's the first sign that your career is slipping. Little tidbit I picked up from Val Kilmer.
Will: Wait, you did a movie with Val Kilmer?
Kevin Bacon: No, but Val was in "Top Gun" with Tom Cruise and Tom was in "A Few Good Men" with me.
[pause]
Kevin Bacon: Huh, that was a short one.

Jack: [Holding up a lock of long, red hair] Guess what this is.
Will: Grace used your shower again?
Jack: One of Bernadette Peters' curls. She was standing in front of me at Duane Reade. Luckily, I was buying a pair of toenail clippers. Now I have hair from Bernadette Peters, Betty Buckley, and Idina Menzel. All I need is Patti LuPone and my Broadway diva wig will be complete!

[A WAITER SITS PATTI LUPONE AT A TABLE NEXT TO JACK'S. JACK AND PATTI HAVE THEIR BACKS TO EACH OTHER. JACK IS CLEANING HIS LAP AND SWEATER WITH A NAPKIN.]
WAITER: Miss LuPone, I just wanna say I saw you in Evita when I was 16. I came out by intermission.
PATTI: I hear that a lot. Sometimes I think I'm personally responsible for the West Village.
WAITER: By the way, you look fabulous.
[JACK IS DYING TO LOOK.]
PATTI: Thanks. My hair's a little long, I need to get it cut.
[JACK PICKS UP A BUTTER KNIFE. HE TURNS AROUND AND LOOKS AT PATTI'S HAIR AND MOVES IN WITH THE KNIFE, WHEN WILL RETURNS.]
WILL: Sorry.
[JACK QUICKLY TURNS AROUND AND PICKS UP SOME BUTTER WITH HIS KNIFE, AND BEGINS SPREADING IT ON HIS HAND. WILL LOOKS AT JACK STRANGELY.]
WILL: This is really, really sweet of you to do, Jack. Thank you.
[JACK WIPES HIS HAND ON HIS NAPKIN.]
JACK: Well, I'm happy to. There's nothing more important to me than you, Patti-- Fatty-- Will!
WILL: Are you--are you okay?
JACK: Yeah, I'm fine. I'm perfect. So heartbreak and sorrow, go.
PATTI: Oh, no, my earring.
[PATTI BEGINS LOOKING AROUND THE FLOOR.]
WILL: [QUIETLY TO JACK] Oh, my God. Is that Patti LuPone?
[PATTI GETS ON HER HANDS AND KNEES AND CRAWLS ON THE FLOOR TO FIND HER EARRING.]
JACK: No, I don't think so. Heh heh.
WILL: I really think it is.
JACK: Really?
[JACK LOOKS DOWN. PATTI IS ON HER HANDS AND KNEES NEXT TO HIS TABLE. JACK GRABS HER SHIRT AND PULLS HER HEAD UP FOR A SECOND, THEN PUTS HER BACK DOWN.]
JACK: Oh, what do you know, it is.
[PATTI FINDS HER EARRING, SHE STARTS TO GET UP, BUT WHILE STILL KNEELING NEXT TO JACK'S CHAIR...]
PATTI: [TO JACK] I'm sorry. My head was practically in your lap. So...do I get the part?
[PATTI SMILES AND STANDS UP, STRAIGHTENS HER DRESS AND SITS DOWN..]
WILL: Jack. What are you doing? You've been trying to track down Patti LuPone ever since you came home with that clump of hair from Bea Arthur and finished your Golden Girls' wig.
JACK: William. Now for the last time, nothing can distract me from you. Now please continue.
[THE WAITER HAS BROUGHT OVER A TRAY WITH A TEACUP AND A POT OF TEA FOR PATTI.]
WAITER: [TO PATTI] Um, I hate to ask this, and I feel really awkward.
PATTI: Oh, it's okay. I know. You want me to sing "Don't Cry For Me, Argentina."
WAITER: Well, it's my birthday.
PATTI: I would love to. But I don't wanna be rude. I'll just ask these gentlemen if they don't mind.
[PATTI TURNS AROUND IN HER CHAIR TO ADDRESS JACK AND WILL.]
PATTI: Excuse me.
[JACK IGNORES HER, BUT IT'S OBVIOUSLY VERY HARD ON HIM. PATTI TAPS ON HIS SHOULDER.]
PATTI: Hello?
[JACK LOOKS AROUND, NERVOUSLY JIGGLING HIS TEACUP AND SAUCER.]
WILL: Jack, Patti LuPone is trying to get your attention.
PATTI: Would you mind if I sang?
JACK: Shut up, Patti LuPone! Shut your brassy, magnificent trap! I don't wanna hear you sing. I don't wanna cut your hair. And I certainly don't wanna hear you singing while I'm cutting your hair! Got it?! Now I'm talking to my best friend, so stand back, Buenos Aires!
[JACK FANS HIMSELF WITH HIS NAPKIN AND PATS HIS FOREHEAD.]
[PATTI TURNS AROUND IN HER CHAIR.]
PATTI: [TO THE WAITER] People either love me, or they hate me.
WILL: I don't believe you just did that. You spurned a Broadway legend for me.
JACK: Well, I wanted to prove to you that I really care about you, Will.
WILL: And you did.
JACK: Really?
WILL: Yes. And thank you. Now come on. We've got a diva to scalp.
JACK: Thank you, Will. I just hope she's not a screamer like that prissy Rue McClanahan.

[THE WAITER IS AT THE PIANO. JACK, WILL, AND PATTI LUPONE ARE STANDING AT THE PIANO. THE WAITER BEGINS PLAYING "DON'T CRY FOR ME ARGENTINA" FROM THE MUSICAL "EVITA".]
PATTI: [SINGING] Don't cry for me, Argentina. The truth is I never left you.
JACK: [SINGING] All through my wild days, my mad existance...
WILL: [SINGING] I kept my promise...
PATTI: [SINGING] Don't keep your distance.
[WILL PATTI SMILES AT WILL, JACK HOLDS UP A PAIR OF SCISSORS AND MOVES IN TO HER HAIR.]

I had a crazy dream the other night, that Joey and I were in the costume shop and one of the seamstresses told us she wanted to give us tattoos. Joe was all for it, and i decided reluctantly that it would be okay. She did a small tattoo on Joey's back, which he really liked, then it was my turn. She was supposed to tattoo a sticker that I gave her onto my back. It was only about an inch wide, but as she tattooed she made it much larger. I stopped to look at it and realized it covered my entire back. I started crying and freaking out.. "I can't have a tattoo covering my whole back!! Oh my god what have I DONE?!!?!" I was horrified. I started hitting myself on the head asking myself why I could be so stupid as to do it when I didn't really want to in the first place.. it was permanent and now it would ALWAYS be there.. a big ugly, half-drawn tattoo. I felt like my life was over.
Well, thankfully, I woke up and felt a massive wave of relief.

What was THAT all about??

Now I'm utterly confused as to why a sweet little Asian seamstress was in my dream as a careless tattoo artist, and now I am also completely petrified of getting a tattoo. Ever.